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I think my fiancé is cheating. Are there any tips or tricks…

Dear Richie,

I think my fiancé is cheating. Are there any tips or tricks for women who are skeptical of their man’s fidelity that you can share? I’m afraid if I ask him point-blank, he’ll accuse me of being insecure.

-Scared in San Francisco

 

 

Dear Scared in San Francisco,

He may or may not be cheating, but something weird is going on with you two. I can tell because you wrote to me rather than talking to him. So, you are insecure after all. You’re not being fully open with each other, and some sort of resentment is building up. Maybe one of you isn’t as forthcoming with the sex vibe. Maybe one of you just isn’t a good talker or turns every discussion into an unproductive argument. It could be anything. A health problem one of you is embarrassed about, an ex who keeps trying to butt in… I’m not psychic. But there’s SOMETHING, so talk about it. That’s the only way to get back to the good stuff — trust, intimacy, fun, support, sex. Also, I’m perturbed by your statement that “he’ll accuse me of being insecure,” as if that’s a crime. If you’re feeling insecure, a good boyfriend will see this as a golden opportunity to prove how important you are to him. Admitting insecurity is a healthy, assertive act, although you’re paradoxically admitting vulnerability, so it can be confusing. But it’s something both of you have to do — in a loving way — repeatedly over the years in any relationship. A good, mature boyfriend will soften and ease your fears. Do you have a good boyfriend? If not, get single and find someone more mature.

-Richie

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